the day i went home... [BAPD]

My contribution to this year's "Blog About Palestine Day" is an excerpt from my journal when I went home to Palestine in 2007. This entry was dated Thursday, July 26, 2007. I don't proclaim it to be insightful, intelligent or even eloquent, but it was me and Palestine, captured within a space and time.
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Today was something. Things happened, others didn't. We went to Dayr Al Qasi, which I have to say was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. Abu Hamad and Abu Mohamad say that you can tell where an old village was by where fig trees and cactus grow together. The reasoning: villagers used to plant cactus around the perimeter of the village to keep animals (dogs, snakes) out and fig trees to eat from. So we go to Elkosh, and knowing there are no remaining original buildings, set out to find the fig trees and cactus of my forefathers. What a horrible, completely unfulfilling experience! Some cactus and fig trees I'm supposed to feel emotional attachment to, it's like they grow on the graves of my hometown.

It was a time of absolute mourning, while colonists passed by in tractors inviting us to buy some eggs, some said "Come and build a house and live here". If you only knew, you bastard. You never left any trace of my past! How in hell am I supposed to feel some attachment to nothing! And that's a tactic. Change a name, a word, build over the past, and people forget, others can pretend the past didn't exist.

Yes, and we did see some fig trees and cactus, but without a map of the Dayr, and with a total new kibbutzy pimp-up, there was no way to tell that this is where my family's house was. Toda.

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